Poker rules keep sanity in the game

By Steve Brewer
Scripps Howard News Service

Poker has taken the country by storm. TV ratings are so good that a dozen cable channels now feature poker tournaments as regular programming. Most anytime, day or night, you can watch the pros playing in the World Series of Poker or famous idiots playing Celebrity Poker.

I’m at best a mediocre poker player, but I have learned some lessons I’d like to share with you amateurs.

(Even if you don’t play poker, you might learn this. Most of these lessons apply to everyday life in the business world.)

•There’s no such thing as a “friendly” poker game. Sure, you can play with your friends. You can be friends before the game and friends again after the game. But during the game? Not so much. In fact, your very best friend is the one who’ll most enjoy taking your money.

•Avoid drinking alcohol while playing poker. It makes you stupid and reckless. Plus, you don’t want a hangover while you try to remember where all your money went.

•Any beverage at the poker table is ill-advised. Knock over your drink and get the cards wet, and you’ll hear about it for weeks.

•Beware of players with nicknames. I’ve played with many Richards over the years, and have lost to all the ones known as “Dick.” If you run into a player named Ace or Tiny or Curly, look out.

•No children should be allowed on the premises during a kitchen game. Not only are they noisy distractions, but they’re likely to overhear “bad words.”

•Know when to fold ’em. If you don’t have the “lock” hand, the one that’s unbeatable given the cards on the table, then you should fold. More than a vowel separates “lock” and “luck.”

•Be careful about “tells” that tip your fellow players to whether you’re holding good cards or just bluffing. Sweating, twitching, snorting, tapping, smiling, frowning, whooping or bending the cards in the Death Grip of Imminent Defeat all can reveal your intentions. Watch the pros. They show as much emotion as your average lizard.

•Never gamble with more than you can afford to lose. If you find yourself going out to the car to get the title out of the glove compartment, it’s time to drive home.

•Finally, avoid playing poker in casinos. You’re not ready. No, you’re not. Stick with playing with friends.